Monday, May 06, 2019

Sucky Sonic Movie Trailer & The Good & The Bad

Well the big news of the week was the trailer for that #notmysonic movie.
It looked just as bad and generic as everyone was thinking, only the Sonic was uglier than people imagined. In fact, it was SO bad, that it spawned 100 memes a minute, AND even got the studio to promise they were going to change the character model. Isn't that odd? Everybody's been screaming the house down about it from poster #1, but only now do they do anything. However...

Skip to dotted line to bypass movie theorization & ranting:

Changing the model isn't going to fix much of anything.
That filthy homunculus with moist teeth* is NEVER GOING TO BE SONIC.
Also, they're not going to be able to change it enough that it ever looks good because it would go against the grain of what the studio is looking for in the movie. It'll probably end up like some of the 'fan improved' photoshops, which are better but still fairly abysmal.

Jim Carrey as Robotnick Eggman
This, along with getting rid of Sonic's shoes and gloves is a blessing in disguise. (Prancing him around in BRAND PLACEMENT NIKE SHOES is the cherry on the top because BRAND PLACEMENT makes people mad & to disrespect things when it's misused like this, so that's good.) Why? Because he's not Eggman, and he's not acting like Eggman in the movie. He's acting like a Jim Carrey, and that's great because it makes the movie less Sonic-like. The more the movie deviates away from Sonic and alienates everybody the better off the Sonic fandom will be.

Let's not "uwu my stupid hairy baby"
I am afraid of this, and the 'lets go see how bad it really is' people. Studios only know money, they have no idea if it was spent in irony or not.
There's some 'uwu'ing going on with uggo movie hedgehog, and that's not really what the fandom needs either. (You can look up uwu online to see its definition) Splintering Sonic apart into warring groups and 100 'versions' of him is not how anything succeeds. Look at Mario. EVERY incarnation of him is clearly the same guy. Paper is cute and 2D, 3D keeps his look extremely consistently throughout everything, 8 bit guy was like 16 bit Sonic.
There's not like "Boom Mario" where they changed him to look like superman covered in sports tape, and there wasn't "SATAM Mario" where he was fat and stupid and a slave to Princess Peach who couldn't do anything without her say-so, no WEREMario where he's a wacky wolf that can untransform.
Mario is solid, dependable, consistent, and always makes money. (Notice that does not say he is void of duds or cash-ins, he did have his share long ago) His fans don't freak out, there's no 'the mario cycle', he's not this 'cringe icon' that Sonic is because nobody's been mis-handling him for years and trying to give him a makeover every 5 seconds because they don't listen.
Yes, there was the awful SMB movie that made 0 sense in the what...80s? But nobody is trying to trot that actor out and say 'oh this is real mario' and 'we are a fan of him' and 'irl mario movie is best'. Like, it was so off base, old, and crumby that it's not considered Mario by Mario fans. That's what the movie has to become.

It could get shelved:
If the changes to the model go poorly, or it runs the bill up too high, or it delays it too much that it can't release at the right time, the movie might not come out. GOOD. The more monkey wrenches that come this thing's way the better. What antagonizes me is that just dong an all-cg movie like wreck it ralph would have had 100% support.
And it's not like the plot was ever going to be amazing, it looks like something they'd do in like 1991. Some stupid generic white guy finds #notmysonic , and has to help him run away from the government combined with Robotnick and hijinx ensue.
So it's wacky alien sidekick turns guy's life upside-down while hitting every trope between here, HOP (the Easter bunny is real!), AXL (military robo dog is real! Don't let the military get him!), Pete's Dragon (Dragons are real! Don't let the cops get him!)  and live action smurfs (Smurfs are real! Don't let Gargamel get them!). It's EVERY plot of EVERY 'cg character is on earth omgzzzz my life is turn upside-down wowowowo'. 
And it's been done to death already. What would be even funnier is if it was built like Transformers: Bayformers movies where like, the focus is all on the humans and #notmysonic is barely even in it because he runs up the bill.

*Filthy homunculus with moist teeth - This is the best-yet descriptor for the damn thing.
"It was thought up by a rusty bag of salsa" is another delight.

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Quicktime....more like slowtime...
Well, as it turns out if that old program Quicktime somehow goes wrong, the website editor program that's used for gear doesn't work at all. That's why this update is short an item this week, had to spend all the time trying to fix quicktime (which hates being fixed...gee whiz) instead of actually working on the update. But, it should be cured of its ills for good now.

Item of the Week:
The socks pack from the previous week. Super great price, adult AND child foot-fitting socks? New modern Sonic art? Cool character variety? Easy availability in store? Now there's a recipe for a real winner! You can't go wrong with that. Yes, these are in the Gear collection.

Segaworld Rug:
Owning a piece of history on your floor. This thing is a fabulous idea. And it's industrial carpeting too, sucker will never wear out in a zillion years of in-home use. Whoever thought to dice up the wall to wall carpeting in a Segaworld and make rugs out of it is brilliant. The busy pattern works to the favor of it as well, ensuring Sega & Sonic graphics frequently, even on smaller sized home portions. This is something I would certainly like to own.

Sound familiar? You'll probably be seeing more from this car toy related company. They're coming back into the spotlight because of Team Sonic Racing. They were there for Transformed, so anyone with anything leftover from this company will be popping up around ebay trying to capitalize on the return of Sonic characters inside vehicles.

Complain of the week:
That bootleg plush keychain is just silly.
The mutant movie poster is a direct indicator of what's going wrong.
It's an idea, but the execution of it stinks and it looks dumb. Anyone could have seen it and said something along the way, but they didn't and the thing actually got released. It's like....odd and...not ironic...but oddly somehow matching that the poster presents the flaw of the mindset *behind* the movie.

Next week: Gonna be shirts.
Most likely. Stuff is still slow at coming in, but hopefully TSR brings toys or merch or something. I cant decide if I think other countries (that arent usa) aren't producing any/much stuff, or just that the site is unpopular and there's no one reporting on it any more.


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